Many literary geniuses have reportedly used ghost writers: Shakespeare, Cartland, and Redknapp being fine examples.
The writer of this blog has chosen to do something supposedly more important than standing in a field all day, so I have taken on the role for this week’s game but wish my identity to remain a mystery.
The day started well, glorious sunshine with a tinge of spring chill as most of the party met at the clubhouse ready to convoy to Bude. A high-powered discussion ensued concerning tactics, form and the balance of the swearing kitty.
Directions established, we set off. ‘I’ll follow Stevo”, I thought – until I realised he drives like Colin McRae and I was soon left in his wake. Arriving at Bude CC there was no Stevo in sight, he had got lost. What do they say about the Hare and the Tortoise, Stevo?
Feeling quite smug, I made my way to the plush changing rooms which were far from what we are used to. Dano was
particularly taken with how the showers work, like Neanderthal man discovering fire.
As usual two of our regular players had been drafted into the seconds, so we called on a couple of newbies: Chris Lomas (Lomo), on loan from St Austell as he cannot get into any of their four teams, and Dave Kiloran (Kilo) our new overseas player from Zimbabwe. Don’t get excited though – even Dave will admit he is as much Division 6 (East) material as the rest of us.
Winning the toss we elected to bowl, to the surprise of the opposition considering how good the pitch was. We had batted first in our last two games and wanted a change. This, as it turned out, was similar to Nasser Hussain’s decision to bowl
at the Gabba in 2002, only to be dismantled by the Aussies.
After a good economical, start from our opening bowlers we finally got the two openers out. This after a most un-Zac like dropped catch off Helena’s bowling. He had the ball, we all started celebrating, only to see it drop apologetically to the ground. He later redeemed himself with an excellent catch, but Helena was still not happy.
As it turned out getting the two openers out was the worst thing we could have done, because out came the big guns. After 20 overs full of fours and sixes, several of which hit the pavilion roof causing unsuspecting families enjoying a walk along the coast to duck and dive, they were on 250-plus.
To our credit we battled away, and special mention must be made to Paul Juckett (Jucko), who when asked to bowl the final overs must have incurred a few penalties for the swear box. As it turned out, he returned figures of two overs, two
wickets for five runs.
After tea (6.5 out of 10), we were instructed by the skipper to take it in 35 run milestones, as you get a batting point for each 35 runs scored. Our openers reached 33 before one of them was bowled two runs short of the first target. Suffice to say the other opener went soon after.
We had nowhere near the firepower of our opponents but we continued with great spirit with 24 runs from Ryan Harris, 19 from Dan Goldsmith and 17 from debutant Lomo.
To the opposition’s frustration they could not bowl us all out, leaving them just one bowling point away from a full 20 points. This was thanks in part to our final wicket pairing of Phil O’Connell (Filo, as in the pastry) and Johnny Mason (Jono). They scored just 15 runs but kept them out, like Nigel Farage (Nobo) on border control.
And so that was it, another loss, but plenty to keep positive about. I really do think we had better bowlers than the opposition, but could not match them elsewhere.
With two games this weekend, Stevo needs to try harder to get his tweets to Kevin Pietersen heard – we need some ringers!
Hopefully it’s back to your usual blogger next week. I can only apologise for this…and anything else, come to think of it.
The secret cricketer